Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
