btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
