Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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