wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
