my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize