things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
