look no pants
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
