God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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