so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
