Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
