i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
