Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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