New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
