Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
