i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize