Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
