that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
