you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
