I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
