I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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