Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
