I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize