Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
