i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
