the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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