we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's shark week go big or go home
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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