I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
