At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
