"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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