I just cut my nipple shaving
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
