I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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