I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
