Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
