These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
