i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize