Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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