You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
