He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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