I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize