Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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