dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
