why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
