There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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