Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
