I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
