Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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