Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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