It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
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