I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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