id be glad to
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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