Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
