All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
