I think I died a long time ago.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
