One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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