I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize