You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
