He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize