She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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