he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
