I puked a lego.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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