I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
