Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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