Who did Billy Mays play for?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
