was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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