he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
