I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
