My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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