Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
