when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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